Tag: Depression

disasterous

disasterous

I am a walking disaster, the worst of its kind.
The saddest happiest girl you will ever meet.
Let me show you a perspective on the world you struggle to look at it.
Let me whisper words in your ear that you will never understand.
Let me ignite fire in your bones that destroys your insides.
You will know when it hits you, literally.
I am a walking disaster, the best of its kind.
The happiest saddest girl you will ever meet.
Let me love you from the inside out.
Let me lure you in with my perfected fake smile.
Let me kiss your liquor soaked lips.
You will know when it hits you, literally.
I am a walking disaster, the worst best kind.
The saddest happiest girl you will ever meet.
N.m.r

Change

Don’t be scared kid. It is normal to want to change your mind. You are allowed to grow from your mistakes. You are capable of walking away. You have the choice to put your self first. Maybe you didn’t want things to go this way.
What are you waiting for?
Your love has took a turn for the worse. Maybe you will both agree to let each other go. Let one another grow. Be on good terms, finally be happy. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much history there is..
Some people are just never meant to be yours.
~NMR~

More alcohol please.

Well here we go again. I guess things haven’t changed.

I glance at the clock, and it’s only 5AM. I know I have a problem, I know I do.

It’s only one beer; this early in the morning; you are fine my brain is telling me. Maybe.

I crack a cold one open

Chug it.

Fill up a flask of my favorite cheap whiskey.

I head out to the forest, because that’s where I belong. Is there something wrong with wanting to lay in the mossy dirt; Oh how I love the smell of wet moss & dirt. I could stare up at the circling tree line all day amazed by it’s beauty, it’s smell.

There is something about the air in the morning time that melts my whole body. The scent is fresh, clean, and crisp. It’s fall.

There is something about pure silence. It’s not pure silence though. It’s nice to hear the wind, and the buzzing of bees & little insects, and the birds, and to be away from all the noise you don’t want to hear. Like the people, and the voices, and the cars, and your own thoughts.

Gulp. Gulp.

The burning only last for a micro second. Agree? The warming feeling is what gets me. I feel numb again, I feel normal.

I’m not laying on the soft moss anymore.

I’m dancing. Dancing around in my own little paradise. Falling. Falling harder than I ever have before.

Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.

I love this feeling. I couldn’t enjoy this moment any differently. Am I bored? What else do people do. Should I be allowed to call this F-U-N.

I feel like I can do anything. I can do anything. One second of bravery could cost me my life.

I’m not an alcoholic though. I just like to drink in the morning. And when I am bored. Maybe a few drinks when I am out with friends. Or before I go hiking. Or do a major photo shoot. Definitely never before work though! No seriously.